By the Way . . .

. . .  Just in case you're curious, with Week Twenty-Six behind us now, we are officially halfway through the "52 planned parties and 600 games and stunts" the Cokesbury Party Book promises us on its cover. And, to date, we've had just over three hundred visitors, all of whom have left the site shaking their heads and thinking, "Yeah, you can find all sorts of crap on the Internet."

You're welcome.

Gipsy Preview

I confess to being a bit old school -- but since I'm blogging about a book published in 1932, you probably know that already.

So when it comes to gypsies, I tend to be a bit beyond today's politically-correct realm. Gypsy to me means one thing: Danny Kaye.





If you've never seen a Danny Kaye film, I have to ask -- what's wrong with you? Both The Court Jester and The Inspector General are incredibly wonderful movies (the latter being an interesting adaptation of Nikolai Gogol's novella by the same name). They're worth watching. Watch these clips, then get ready for a gypsy party of your own, with ideas from Cokesbury.

Week Twenty-Six: The Stunt Party

The 1930s were crazy for stunts, or so it seems. The automobile and the aeroplane were coming of age, no longer the newfangled, untested technology. But as has been mentioned before, the stunts Cokesbury refers to are the skits, the japes, the songs, the what-nots that entertained regular folks between bouts of derring-do with stuntmen leaping -- OK, falling -- from airplanes to moving vehicles, or leaping their jalopies nonchalantly over sheds only to land in a broken heap on the other side.

First of all, Cokesbury feels you could make money hosting a stunt night:

In a city of about thirty thousand people a woman’s club has started having annual stunt night and giving a cup to the organization putting on the best stunt. On this stunt night the civic organization, such as the Women’s Club, Kiwanis, Rotary, Lions, and American Legion, compete. They charge one dollar admission, and it has been the means of raising money for the organization for several years.

Of course, this means getting people to come to your stunt night. Cokesbury suggests newspapers and other public announcements. Given today’s media climate, if I were you, I’d stick with “other public announcements.” I’d be happy, if anyone out there so chose to host a stunt night, to advertise the event here on the Cokesbury Party Blog, but traffic to the site tells me that virtually no one is coming to this site anyway. You might be better off with a dead tree edition somewhere.

So, now that you’ve got your party on Craigslist (and have secured ample liability and comprehensive property damage insurance for the louts who will invariably show up, toss your dime-store decorations in the pool and put your whistle where the sun don’t shine) it’s time to plan the stunts. Here are a few Cokesbury suggests:

Living Pictures. Living pictures make a very beautiful and impressive stunt. We are assuming that these stunts will be on a stage. Have a large frame constructed about eight feet high and about ten feet wide and hidden lights around the border. Raise this frame up a foot or more from the floor on a platform. A hidden chorus or quartet furnishes the music while the pictures are given in tableau. Between each song that is given in the tableau the quartet or chorus sings “Memories.”

• “School Days.” The tableau would be a small boy and a small girl holding hands, the girl carrying in her hand a slate on which is written “I love you, Joe,” and thus they stand while the chorus or quartet sings.
• “When You and I Were Young, Maggie.” An old couple are on the stage holding hands.
• “Mother Machree.” An old lady dressed in black or lavender with white lace and cap is seated in a rocker. A young man stands by her. He looks down at her as the song is sung.
• “My Wild Irish Rose.” A girl with summer dress, wide-brimmed had, garland with roses, and a boy are on the stage. The boy is dressed in summer sport clothes, white flannels, sweater, white hat in hand. The girl takes a rose and puts it in his buttonhole during the singing of the music. The action should be carefully times to fit the scene.

Obviously, these tableaux will go over well with your Irish-American crowd.

My advice: Think of these as live YouTube videos, but with actual creativity and talent involved, because you can’t just dub over some crappy hip-hop song to the action being shown. If these songs seem too outdated for your hip crowd, then simple re-enact en tableaux some of your favorite YouTube videos. I personally recommend the following, for its simplicity, pathos, and the likelihood of getting a laugh out of your audience.

Then there’s this one, of dubious moral value:

Black-Face Comedy. Have two boys who are clever at impersonating negroes put on a black-face comedy skit. You will find ample material for this in Chapter LII, “The Minstrel Show.” You will also find three or four stunts which could be done by these comedians in the chapter, “The Minstrel Show.”

Remember, if you choose to do this stunt, you are an ass. Even if you’re Australian.

This one is a bit more socially acceptable, and reminds me of this classic Muppet Show bit:

Brain-Testing Machine. Construct brain-testing machine as follows: Make a box with boards about nine inches wide and about one foot square and as high as the width of the boards. Put a board over the top and on the bottom, boring a hole about a half inch in diameter through the top and bottom boards. It is necessary for this box to set about two inches off the table, so around three sides of the it there should be a board one by two nailed up edgewise, so that the bottom of the box will appear to be on the table. Get a piece of small rubber hose at the five-and-ten-cent store about a half inch in diameter. This should be ten or twelve feet long. Put this through the holes in the bottom and top of the box, so that one end of it just projects over the top of the box. It will be necessary to get a small tube, glass or brass, which may be procured either at a hardware store or a plumbing shop. This should be just large enough to slip the end of the rubber hose over and to make it fit tight in the hold and in the box. Then get a toy rubber balloon and slip over the end of the tube. This box is placed on the table with the tube sticking out on the back side, and then the tube is placed behind the curtain, with one person behind the curtain to make the balloon large or small at will by inflating it. It would be well also to have some sort of a dial either drawn on the side of the box or purchased and put on the box. Also have some kind of a crank that will turn other little apparatuses on the box. One the top side there should be driven a nail on each corner and a small wire tired around the entire edge of the box also, tying it to the top of the nails.

Whew. Hope you haven’t let your subscription to Popular Mechanics expire. But on to the payoff:

One person stands on the stage and announces that very recently a wonderful machine has been invented which will test brain capacity and that it operates electrically. He puts one hand on the head of an individual and the other hand on the wire of the brain-testing machine, and the balloon will indicate the capacity of the brain. This is a very humorous stunt if carried out properly. As soon as the hand is placed on the wire, if it is desirous to indicate that the person is a man of brain capacity, the balloon is immediately made large. If not, it might be made to just barely move, and perhaps just to flop over.

Ha ha, what a great gag! And here’s a way to make it an even better gag involving a bald guy!

Another variation of this is to get a bald-headed man and put lamp black on the fingers and make some black spots on his bald head. This will cause much merriment. If it is desirous to especially honor someone, the one who is blowing the balloon might blow it until it bursts, or the one on the stage might puncture the balloon with a pin or touch it off with a cigarette.

Unless, of course, you’re in Kensington, Maryland, where such frivolity with cigarettes if highly frowned upon.

If you want something a little more highbrow, you might consider this stunt instead:

Kitchen Cabinet Orchestra. The kitchen cabinet orchestra is a good stunt, but some care should be exercised in selecting those who have good voices, and there should be some rehearsing. Each player in the orchestra is provided with an instrument, to which has been attached a kazoo. This is a small, inexpensive instrument which can usually be purchase at the five-and-ten-cent store or the music store in any city. Imitations of the sounds of instruments can be made on the kazoo, and a number of good voices, especially mixed voices, give a very pleasing result.

Someone who is very clever at improvising should be asked to make the instruments. A cornet could be made from a rolling pin, with a funnel on one end and the kazoo attached to the handle on the other. A clothes basket with a mop stick and some old wires could be made into a bass viol. A bass horn can be improvised out of an inner tube attached to a funnel and some other kitchen utensil. A long-handled frying pan might be made into a violin. A washing tub would make a good brass drum, and a small dishpan would make a good snare drum. The leader should use a dish mop for a baton.

Or, in other words, just do as Spike Jones and the City Slickers do:

Here’s the best part of Cokesbury’s Stunt Night. A few years ago, for a church function, I actually wrote a series of “stunts” that were performed by other members of the congregation. Fortunately, the video tape we have of the performance has been destroyed. But I may have the script somewhere . . .

Anyway, that’s it until next week, and the much-anticipated Gipsy Party, another Cokesbury costume extravaganza. See you then.

Stunt Party Preview

First of all, you have to know that the Stunt Party isn't what you think:



The "stunts" Cokesbury writes about come from an odd use of the word at the time. To Cokesbury, a stunt is anything from a skit to a song to a story to a living tableau, like what El Guapo does in The Three Amigos. So get ready to chuckle -- or, as usual, roll your eyes -- when the party comes a-calling.

Week Twenty-Five: Fourth of July Party

This day and age, in some circles, patriotism is a bad word. In some ways, I have to agree. You've got to consider what one is being patriotic to. My father saw many patriotic Germans during World War II, for example, as a civilian in The Netherlands. But if we can balance patriotism with everlasting vigilance, then perhaps it's okay.

Then again, it might be more fun if we balanced patriotism with Everlasting Gobstoppers. Sometimes those who fret over what patriotism can mean in the wrong hands just ought to loosen up a bit. So on that vein, on with the John Philip Sousa and "Stars and Stripes Forever.



Let Sousa's song spool while you read, as there is no animation nor photo slide show with this piece. And don't read the comments on YouTube, either. We're strictly in the Patriotism/Everlasting Gobstopper Mode on the Cokesbury Party Blog.

Here's the invitation, which should be written on a cardboard cut in the shape of a flag, or on a bell to represent the Liberty Bell. You know. That thing in Philadelphia that rang when people didn't fret about the United States being the Evil Empire:

On the birthday of our country,

We're having a party to celebrate.

At eight o'clock on the Fourth of July,

Come to Pilcher's, and don't be late.

I have no idea who this mysterious Pilcher is, and the Internet, in its vast Sargasso sea of information, is no help. It can't possibly be Sergeant Pilcher, though the readers, author, and publisher of the Cokesbury Party Book would likely approve of his actions. So I can assume you can just substitute another last name for Pilcher in the invitation and leave it at that. Unless you want to send your guests some anti-invitations. And I love that Sgt. Pilcher's nickname is "Nobby."

Decorations for the party, or so says Cokesbury, will be "easy":

Use flags and bunting and red, while, and blue streamers for decorations. Pictures of great American characters may be hung on the walls.

It sounds easy until you consider that the likes of Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin and Courtney Love hardly count as great Americans, although Hank Hill might do in a pinch.

On to the first game:

The Names of the States. Give guests blank sheets of paper and pencils. Let couples work together. Ask them to write all the names of the states. This may look easy, but it is doubtful if any will finish the forty-eight in ten minutes. Give a prize to the one finishing first, unless the game is too long, in which case give a prize to the one having the longest list.

You read right: Forty-eight states. This is in 1932, remember. Alaska and Hawaii weren't made states until the 1950s. So fly the flag they used in A Christmas Story and see how many of your guests notice.

The next game is a good one to play with guests who arrive in full What is Patriotism umbrage, ready to do battle with anyone who dares suggest that the Fourth of July have meaning outside of Chinese fireworks and a few hamburgers burned on the grill (it should be noted that the really fierce anti-patriots won't even be thrilled about the fireworks and burgers; these are the ones you want to send to Pilcher.

The National Anthem: Do You Know It? Give to each guest the words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" written with the italicized words blank. Let them see which couple can fill the blanks correctly in the quickest time:

O! say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: 'In God is our trust.'
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

(Interesting to note: Cokesbury leaves out the third verse, and ignores completely a fifth verse added to the anthem during the Civil War. Impress your freinds by singing it in its entirety, with lyrics here.)

For amusement, be sure to videotape this game and watch the anti-patriots for signs of stroking out at certain passages, including the "In God is our trust" passage. Extra party points to you if these folks and a Barry Goldwater/Ronald Reagan Republican get in a brawl in the street after this game concludes. And once the radicals and the Commies have left, you and the rest of your guests may alter this game and do kind of a Star-Spangled Banner Mad Libs. (My favorite motto, from Ghostbusters, "We're ready to believe you!"

On to the next game:

Washington Surveying Relay. It is a well-known fact that Washington was once a surveyor. Line up the players for a relay race. They may be divided into three groups, the Reds, Whites, and Blues. This may be done by pinning on red, white, and blue ribbons, having an equal number of each. The three groups face a goal about fifteen or twenty feet away. Give to the player at the head of the line a yardstick. They are to measure the distance to the goal and back with a yardstick, laying it down and picking it up each time. The players, as soon as they have finished, give the yardstick to the next one in line and take their places at the back of the line.

An alternate version of this game is to measure the distance in smoots.

Here's another game:

Spin the Plate. Play the old game Spin the Plate in a little different way. Have one player spin the plate and call the name of a state or capital. The boy who represents the state or the girl who represents the capital must each catch the plate before it falls. If she fails to do this, she must pay a forfeit. However, let us do this in a different way. Let us have a number of forfiets written out, and as soon as she fails to catch the plate she draws out one of the forfeits and must do the stunt indicated. After she had finished her stunt, the spins the plate and calls the name of a state or capital, and the game proceeds as before. The following are some forfeits which would be suitable for this party:

• Paul Revere mounting his hores
• Benjamin Franklin flying his kite
• Washington chopping down his cherry tree
• Pocahontas saving Captain John Smith
• Patrick Henry making a speech
• Andrew Jackson fighting a duel
• Daniel Boon ekilling a bear
• Carrie Nation wrecking a saloon
• Billy Sunday preaching a sermon
• Abraham Lincoln splitting rails
• The Statue of Liberty
• Or, possibly, Sgt. Pilcher's song

 And another one, where we get to celebrate a real renegade in American history:

Fireworks: John Brown's Alive. Of course in a Fourth of July party, there must be some fireworks. Matches are used for this stunt. The leader strikes a match and gives it to a player, telling him that he has the privilege of passing it as long as it is alive, that is, as long as it is burning or is a live coal. He merely is to say "John Brown is alive" and pass it on to the next player; but if it is not alive, the next player does not have to take it.Whoever has it when it is dead must have a mustache painted on them with the burned match. Also they must start another match.

I don't get it, either. Maybe they were hard up for entertainment in the 1930s, as this video of a 1930s parade might also convey:



The next game is meant to enrage the BG/RR Republicans in the group, if any are left after the Star-Spangled Banner-inspired street brawl:

Taxation without Representation. The guests are seated in a circle. The leader tells them that she is going to organize a Revolutionary Club. In order to become a member one must be initiated. The leader says "the initiation ceremony consists in saying what I tell you and doing what I do." The leader then says, indicating one of the guests, "Say, 'Taxation without representation.'" [Editor's note: The more clever of you in the Cokesbury Party Blog world already know where this one is going.] In sayin this the leader makes some peculiar gesture with the hands, as to emphasize what she says. Usually the guest will try to imitate the gesture, when the point is to merely say "Taxation," as he has been told to say taxation without (saying) representation.

Plan on this game lasting about thirty seconds.

Now, the party is over. Cokesbury, oddly, says "it is the custom in many sections of the country" to have fireworks on the Fourth of July. Maybe there were sections where the anti-patriots without Everlasting Gobstopper vigilance were already prevalent. And, of course, one must have "eats" during the fireworks. Cokesbury recommends red, white, and blue brick ice cream, or fruit punch and cake. All of which sounds patriotic. Nah. Give me a burned burger any day.

That's it until next week and we turn on the guffaws during Stunt Night. I'm off to watch the fireworks. Oooh! Ahhhh!

Week Twenty-Four: Aquatic Party

1930s Swimwear: Men Show More Leg

Folks, first of all, you have to remember that in 1932, the Depression is going full bore. It was quite common back then for any kind of ordinary daily outing to be suddenly destroyed by a dust storm, a slab of poorly-maintained beef, or an early John Ford movie. So it's with that kind of spirit in mind that Cokesbury introduces its Aquatic Party with the following statement:

Conditions under which this party is held may make impossible the using of all the things suggested.

So try to keep a stiff upper lip as the party opens, certainly with an invitation:

In the good old summer time
It's just the season prime
To get into the water cool
With your friends and mine.
So bring your suit and water wings,
For the water will be fine,

And we'll sizzle good old hot dogs

By the silvery moonshine.

Ogden Nash certainly could have helped these folks out with their poetry. But this is a conservative party, mind you; it's much more important to know that the water will be fine and there will be hot dogs present, rather than worrying about the liberality of having the iambic pentameter be strictly correct.

And, yes, those are swimsuits they're wearing in that first picture. Here's a trick of evolution: Frankly, men's suits (with the exception of that abomination Borat wore, have not evolved much, at least for common society. Sure, they get their little speedos and thongs, but they're the exception, not the rule, at least where I live. We live, to paraphrase Victor Borge, in a cold country, so we don't wear any kind of suit that might make getting what sticks out back in again difficult.

But the ladies' suits. They've evolved quite a bit. Even the modest suits of today reveal more than these. And these. And by the way, lady, second from the right in the black-and-white with the diamonds, I LOVE your hat.

The Hat Also Doubles as A Radar Reflector

But I digress. On to the party. Since this is your party, it's only kosher to ask your guests to bring everything you need:

Each person should be asked to bring something. A committee should designate someone to bring five pounds of wieners, or perhaps several will have to bring wieners if the group is large. Someone else will be asked to bring buns or rolls. Someone will be asked to bring some wood if it is not to be found where the party is held. Old wire coat hangers straightened out make good roasters for wieners. Cabbage slaw goes well with wieners.

I think they're fretting too much about the wieners, personally. Try to keep a straight face when you ask the designated guest for five pounds of wieners. They're just not sold that way today. They'll ask "How many packages is that," then wander to the store, confused, and likely not come to the party at all because commerce has changed to the point a man can't walk into a store and ask for five pounds of wieners without getting really weird looks from the butcher -- who isn't a butcher, but some idiot in a hair net or paper hat who occasionally runs the meat slicer and has to re-stock the packages of pre-fab hamburger.

Now since this is an aquatic party, it's a sure bet someone is going to have to get wet before the party is over. Cokesbury thoughtfully divides the games up into four categories, with which you may entertain your guests and subtle sort them out into three classes: Annoying Jocks, Annoying Competitive Fools, Annoying Torturers of Small Animals, and Shore Wimps, viz:

Aquatic Events:

• Have a dash the length of the pool. Contestants may use any desired stroke. Give a prize to the winner.
• The Plunge. Contestants plunge off the edge of the pool and the object is to see how far they can go without moving the body. Contestants try this one at a time and the distances are recorded.; The one who plunges the farthest wins. Judges should see that after the plunge there is no body movement.
• Fancy Stroke. Have a race in which the contestants use the different fancy strokes, as the back stroke, the breast stroke, the crawl, etc.
• Turtle Race. All contestants are placed on one side of the pool. The swim is to be the short way of the pool This is a strenuous game, and the girls should not compete against the boys, but should have a separate contest. At a signal from the leader all plunge in and swim to the other side of the pool. The five to reach there last are eliminated. If the number is large, it is better to eliminate a larger number. Then the leader's whistle is blown again and they swim back. Five more are eliminated. So they swim back and forth until there are only two left. It is a good idea to let contestants rest a minute between each try. When the boys have tried this, the girls have a try. It is better with the girls to eliminate a larger number so that no girl will have to swim the width of the pool more than four times.

Now, obviously, that last game is going to make the Annoying Female Jocks and feminists in general go absolutely ape. Be sure to be wearing your own swim trunks as you announce the rules, because it's likely you're going to be tossed into the pool by a bevy of broads convinced they can kick your sorry little rear, and with cause, because they can.

And can anyone fathom why the last event is called a Turtle Race? Because Cokesbury does not explain it at all.

Now on to the Aquatic Games:

• Water Basket Ball. Rig up some goals about four feet above the water. Barrels or large garbage cans or washing tubs would make good goals. These could be set on each end of the pool. The game is played just like regular basket ball and the points scored in the same way.
• Water baseball. lay something as a marker for the home plate, first, second, and third bases on the edge of the pool. Choose nine players on a side. The game is played in the same manner as baseball, using a large paddle for a bat and a rubber ball about the size of an indoor baseball. The is game may be played on the beach or in the surf if the water is not too deep and the sand is smooth.

I'm not exactly sure when the basket met the ball in basektball, but it obviously was not before 1932. And I think it's a pity that the American drive for innovation has led to standard basketball hoops, complete with backboard and net, custom-built for pool activity, have replaced the ingenuity of wash tubs, barrels, and other anachronisms. I sure hoped they played their "basket ball" with onions tied to their belts.

No matter. Move on to the Stunts:

• Terrapin Race. Have some of the boys look up two or more terrapins and keep them until the time of the partyl. Mark off a starting place and a finish line. Put them on the starting line and number them with chalk and see what happens. This is very funny.
• Duck Race. Get a duck, cut off the feathers on its wings so it cannot fly, and put it in the water. Give a prize to the boy who can bring the duck to the shore. Many times by the flapping of his wings the duck will force the swimmer to release him when he is almost to the shore.
• Three-Legged Swimming Race. Take four, six or eight boys and tie two of their legs together for this race.

Preferably, the boys tied together should be the one who really, really enjoyed cutting the poor ducks' flight feathers off. (I do not, obviously, recommend any of these games. I've seen a goose literally scare the shoes off a person who approached it, and that goose had all of its feathers. Ducks are no more gentle when cornered.)

It's time for refreshments now, thankfully. The jocks are still primping on the beach. The feminists are still trying to find and drown the idiot who suggested they not compete with "the boys." And that damn duck is seeking revenge on the morons who plucked its feathers. It must be time for refreshments. Get your wieners out.

As soon as the dark comes, move form the pool to the beach and make a fire. Roast wieners by the fire and serve with cabbage slaw and mustard on buns. It would be will also to have some marshmallows to toast. It is well to ahve sandwiches also and watermelon for dessert. Cold bottled drinks can be easily served. After the meal is over, play games by the firelight or the moonlight.

It would be well if Cokesbury had suggested guests bring marshmallows, sandwiches or watermelon, but no matter because it would be even more well if the free-loading party throwers brought their own damn refreshments rather than sponging off their guests.

If none of your guests have drowned, get them ready for a real whizz-banger of a party next week: Fourth of July Party!

Cokesbury (and YouTube) Take You There

Just as a prelude to today's Aquatic Party update, and to revel in the outfits, vehicles, games, and that really annoying projector noise, I present this: