Week Thirty: Old-Fashioned Party

Underwires by Carl Sagan

First of all, who wouldn’t want to wear an outfit that, if set up under the right conditions and attached to a car battery, could be used to track satellite telemetry or to search for extraterrestrial life?

Well, okay, I wouldn’t. Unless, of course, I was headed to Cokesbury’s Old-Fashioned Party, which kicks off with this invitation:

Twenty-year endowments,

We hear of every day;

They’re always in the future –

Let’s look the other way,

Twenty years behind us

And maybe twenty more

And practice all the pleasures

They liked so much of yore

So borrow grandma’s petticoat

(Grandpa’s flannel underwear for boys)

And find yourself a mate

And come to 14 Macy Street

On Friday night at eight.

So, twenty years from 1932 puts us at 1912, the year Arizona and New Mexico became states, Road Admunsen successfully reaches the South Pole, the Boston Red Sox play their first baseball game at Fenway Park and the Titanic sinks. So a good year for James Cameron.

Another twenty years puts us at 1892, the year in which Ellis Island opened in the United States, James Naismith published his rules for the new game of basketball, Rudolf Diesel patented his eponymous engine, and the Limelight Department, one of the world’s first film studios, is founded in Australia. So, again, another good year for James Cameron.

But that’s enough history. Let’s move on to costumes a la Cokesbury:

Hoop skirts and tiny hats would be appropriate for the girls. They might wear their pompadore with rats in it. Men wear the most antiquated cut of clothing that can be obtained. Costumes should be judged, and the one having the best or funniest costume should receive an appropriate prize. There should be prizes for both men and women costumes.

For an authentic pompadore, I’m told, you can’t use hair gel or hairspray to keep the hair in place. You have to use the pomades common with the original hairstyle, meaning beef tallow or bear grease. These hairdos have the additional advantage, then of attracting wildlife. So you may as well roll your pompadore in nuts and seeds so the birds have something to eat along with their suet.

Remember, the larger the hair, the smaller the lips.

Cokesbury, in its approach to planning games for this party, is evidently taking a page from the Jane Austen Playbook, as one of the first games suggested is this:

Shouting Proverbs. One person or couple is sent out of the room. The group decides on a proverb that they are going to shout. Suppose they decide on the proverb “All that is not gold that glitters.” This is given out one word at a time to the circle; the first one is to shout “All,” the second, “is,” and the third, “not,” and so on around. The proverb may go around three or four times – that is, three or four in the group may have the same word. When the person or couple that has been sent out returns, at the signal from the leader, all shout their words at the same time. If it is not guessed the first time, two other trials may be allowed. If not guessed in three trials, the proverb is told and another person sent out.

Cokesbury is kind enough to suggest some proverbs, including some real tongue-twisters:

There’s many a slip ‘twixt the cup and the lip.
A bad workman quarrels with his tools.
A creaking door hangs long on the hinges.
After dinner sit awhile, after supper walk a mile.
Plow deep while sluggers sleep, and you’ll have corn to sell and keep.
When angry count ten before you speak; if very angry, count a hundred.

Be sure not to shout these kinds of things at your more timid or paranoiac friends. You don’t want your party to devolve into a guilt or panic attack.

Here’s another game:

Clap In, Clap Out. All the boys retire into another room, and the girls place before themselves chairs. The boys are brought in one at a time. They take a seat. If everybody claps, they are in the wrong seat. That means that the girl who asked for him was not the girl in whose chair he seated himself. If desired, two trials may be given each one. If he gets the right chair, he remains in the room and is privileged to sit in the chair. After the boys have all come in, the girls may go into the adjoining room and be brought in one at a time in the same manner.

Can’t you just see Col. Brandon playing this game? And being absolutely bored with it?

Here’s another game that’s even more exciting. Even the name gives me goosebumps:

Thimble. The leader takes a thimble and stands in the center of the room. All the guests are seated around the room and are told to put the palms of their hands together. The leader then passes around and makes a motion as if she leaves the thimble with each one. When she has finished, she starts asking each one, “Who has the thimble?” They all guess who has it. When all have guessed (of course the one who has it has to guess someone else, and does not have to pay a forfeit for so doing), the leader says “Rise up, thimbler.” The one who ahs the thimble then rises, and all who guessed wrongly pay a forfeit. The one who has the thimble then passes it around again, and the game continues as before.

To make the game more exciting for our modern times, one might capitalize “Thimbler” and treat him or her as a superhero; the forfeits in question might be each guest suggesting a superpower for the Thimbler to possess. A few examples:

The ability to prevent needles from entering fingers.
The ability to expand his/her thimble to use it as a life raft, cooking pot, et cetera.

I’m sure you can do better than I.

Now get your pencils and notepaper ready folks, for the next game is even more exciting than the shouting proverbs one:

Old Sayings. Give each guest paper and pencil and ask him to write as many old saying as he can think of. Give two or three examples out of the following list of old sayings. Also the leader may read the first part of the old saying and see who can give the last part quickest.

According to Cokesbury, all old saying are similes. Observe:

As busy as a bee.
As green as grass.
As bitter as gall.
As sly as a fox.
As fat as a pig.
As neat as a pin.

And so on. Man, those people of twenty to forty years ago (circa 1932) were boring.

All that’s lest is refreshments. And it might be a stretch (pun intended) to put them together:

If sorghum can be obtained, have an old-fashioned candy pulling and use some of the candy for refreshments. Another suggestion would be hot biscuits and honey. Pop pop corn by the fire. Apple or berry pie.

And use fewer verbs and nouns as the evening continues. Conservation, that’s the old-fashioned byword.

So that’s over, and thank goodness. But next week, be on the lookout for one of the oddest parties Cokesbury suggests: The Bean Party. Rooty-toot.