Week One: The Watch Party

Okay, boys, get out the red cord!

The watch – it is a funny thing,
to never wash its face;
It doesn’t even scrub its hands.
What a shame and a disgrace!
And more about the watch you’ll know
When our watch party’s ended.
You’ll see the years come and go
And may meet your intended.

I must confess at first I thought this party, timed for early January, was meant as a New Year’s Eve bahseroo. I thought perhaps “watch party” was an early colloquialism for the kind of party that set revelers tipsy, awaiting the coming of the near year clad in lampshades and drinking bathtub gin.

It’s not quite that. Unfortunately it’s the kind of New Year’s Eve party I would host, or one that Lenny Leonard would host – remember, he didn’t even have a clock. Planned right, there will be watches and clocks here. They’re central to some of the games and stunts. As is a whistle, like those used as basketball games. Make sure you have one of those.

Here’s how Cokesbury introduces this one:

Watch Night is one night of the year when almost everyone expects to go to a party that will last until twelve o’clock and enable them with their friends to watch the old year go out and the new year come in. It would be well to have the guests come late, for it is hardly possible to keep everyone enjoying themselves together for more than two and a half hours. Invite the guests to come at nine or nine-thirty.

I have a problem with this. I, myself, am a dull person. Even being a self-confessed dull person, I’m fully convinced I could keep a group of people entertained on New Year’s Eve for more than 2 ½ hours, without breaking out my collection of rocks that look like pig noses.

Anyway, on to the rest of the party.

The invitation we already have – that bit of poetry at the beginning. Decorations: Crepe paper with bells of red and green, plus sprigs of holly, cedar and other evergreens. Here’s a great tip: “Cotton makes a good imitation of snow.” I never would have thought of that.

It’s a game you want? Well, when it comes to New Year’s Eve, only one game comes to mind. Spelling.

Letters should be printed with crayons on cardboards six inches square. These can be used for numerous other games in this book. If you have four groups [of people, into which you divide your guests as they arrive] you will need four sets of the following letters: J, A, N, U, A, R, Y, F, E, B, M, C, H, P, I, L, R, G, U, S, T, E, E, O, O, V, D. All these letters with duplications are needed to spell all the months of the year.

That’s right. Your first game will have people racing about your room at each blast of the whistle, holding cardboard letters and arranging themselves, like manic DNA molecules, to spell out the months of the year. This is the highlight of the evening, gamewise.

Next, resolutions. You write them for yourself. You write them for another in the group. Cokesbury advises: “It would be well to suggest that these resolutions be humorous.” So nothing like “Agnes ought to resolve not to be such a worrisome nag to her husband, Clarence.” That would be out of order and would stifle an otherwise pleasant evening, unless, of course, Agnes’ husband is Harold and the milkman is Clarence.

Next comes conversation, watch-themed:

Give each guest a card on which has been drawn the dial of a watch and on which has been placed the numbers on a watch face. Hang up a large cardboard on which has been drawn the face of a watch with movable hands. Below the dial of the watch has been written topics for conversation numbered 1 to 12.

You see where this is going. At the blast of the aforementioned whistle, conversation begins on the assigned topic, of which no examples are given. Each conversation is expected to last less than a minute, with each subsequent conversation given less time to complete. “The entire game,” Cokesbury says, “should not last for more than ten minutes.” This takes small talk to an entirely new level, especially if Agnes and Harold have left the party in a huff.

Next comes the Watch Trick, in which the host amazes, AMAZES! His or her guests with the following trick, involving a watch (or clock), natch.

[The host] asks someone in the group to decide on a number on the face of the clock. This may be done by groups, each group being asked to select a number, any number between one and twelve. The leader then tells the group to start counting [silently, it is explained later] with the next number after the one selected and count to twenty and stop. They are to count one number each time the leader touches the face of the watch or clock with a pencil or pointer. When they reach the number twenty, the leader’s pointer will be on the number selected by the group.

How is that done? The leader starts counting too and may move the pencil or pointer to any part of the watch or clock dial he chooses until he counts seven. Beginning with eight, however, the leader must start with 12 and follow the figures of the clock in the reverse order . . . until he is told to stop. Try this to convince yourself it works, and practice some before the party.

And then say to yourself that counting out the numbers on a clock face with a pencil or pointer is going to be any more entertaining than watching paint dry and astounding your friends except the moron who's seen this before and blurts out the trick at the last moment, unless of course you use a laser pointer, with which you could entertain the group more successfully by using its beam to entice the cat to leap off the back of the couch and into the wall chasing that funny little red spot.

Now that your guests are absolutely reeling from the magical pointing of the guessed number on the watch face, they’re read for watch-themed riddles. Here are a few, under the heading of “Some Things We Find on A Watch.”

(1) Breadwinners (hands)
(3) Something you should not take in vain (maker’s name)
(7) Caesar, Mark Anthony, and Brutus (Roman characters)
(15) Something of which every pretty woman is proud (face)
(17) Something to ride on (wheel)

This is the Cokesbury Party Blog’s disclaimer: If you try a themed party from this book, or even one of the games and stunts, they should only be attempted on friends who revel in the irony of entertainments from a bygone era or whom you wish to get rid of in a hurry.

And if that game doesn’t work, try “Current Events,” in which your guests will be encouraged, at the blow of your whistle, to discuss topics such as “the drought in the Middle West,” and “King Alphonso Abdicates,” with anyone in the room, hoping to be named as the evening’s “Best Talker.” For fun at your own party, try this with avowed disciples of Ron Paul, Barack Obama, Sarah Palin and such and watch the game get so entertaining even the Quakers in the room are shouting at each other.

Once everyone’s calmed down and those who got too excited are sent outside for a brisk walk around the block in the snow, it’s time to tie someone up:

A couple is selected from each group. The man is given a box containing a red cord, rouge, lipstick, eyebrow pencil, and powder. The leader tells the man that he is to take the cord and tie the girl’s hands behind her, and then he is to take the make-up material and make her up as he imagines the girls of 1950 will make up. A prize should be given for the best in the estimation of the judges.

The Cokesbury does not advise making clown faces on the paintees or engaging in any unauthorized hanky-panky, and the Cokesbury Party Blog does not want to know if you decide to do anything exceptionally crazy.

Next comes the leaping over lit candlesticks (twelve of them). If you leap over one and it goes out, that’s the month in which you’ll marry. Unless you’re already married. Maybe that’s the month you fall into an adulterous affair. Cokesbury isn’t clear on the subject, and, frankly, with the trouble Agnes and Harold have had during your festive evening, it’s probably wise not to bring the question up.

Now this heady, hedonistic night is coming to a close. It’s time to “Watch the New Year Come In.”

As the New Year approaches, different groups will want to do different things. Church groups will want to have a worship service. Others will want to make a noise and shoot off fireworks. If the Watch Night chances to be on a leap year, the girls are privileged to propose to their loves at the hour of midnight.

Only one noise, mind you. Perhaps a simple blast from the host’s whistle.

One last thing: Refreshments. And what says refreshment better on New Year’s Eve than:

Hot oyster stew and saltines would make splendid refreshments. Another suggestion would be hot chocolate with whipped cream and sandwiches.

Whatever you serve, just remember to untie the ladies first. Unless you want to continue the evening with a little spoon feeding.

That’s it for the Watch Party. Next week, we continue in the boring theme of observing the passing of time with the Calendar Party, which is a costume soiree.