Week Nine: The Newspaper Party

If there's any industry in the United States that could use a party right now, it's the newspaper industry. Nobody's reading them any more. Nobody's lining up to offer them a federal bailout. And there are more than a few folks out there who are commenting on the fact that a new media website broke the news on the death of Michael Jackson, rather than a traditional dead tree news outlet.

Cokesbury is with you. Leave it up to a party book published in 1932 to bring a bit of joy to this 19th century industry. Of course, back in 1932, there was a lot to be joyful about in the newspaper industry. Papers were at their heyday, with the largest cities in the nation enjoying three or four daily papers -- mostly published in the afternoon. Even small towns had their weeklies, published by folks who wandered out of the cities looking for a niche to carve out in an industry ripe for the plucking.

So snap open that broadsheet, savor the ink on your fingers and join us at The Newspaper Party.

1931 Headline with A Familiar Ring

Cokesbury's introduction to its Newspaper Party is a bit prescient of the industry today, with one exception. OK, maybe more than one:

A novel idea for an evening of fun is a Newspaper Party. Very little preparation is necessary, and the expense will be negligible. Still there is an opportunity to have a jolly good time.

I've worked at a newspaper. There's preparation. There's expense. And occasional jolly good times. But . . . uh. Forget it. It's all bringing back memories of ritual abuse.

On to the invitation:

In Gasoline Alley on next Friday night
Our crowd will all assemble.
If you're not there, you'll miss a sight,
For we will all resemble,
Rosie's Beau or Miss Boots and her Buddies,
Or Min or Andy Gump perchance.
At least we'll be their understudies,
And let them brighten up the manse.

Anachronism upon anachronism. To the modern ear, this invitation may as well be written in Greek. But thanks to Mr. Internet, this is what we've been able to find out:

Gasoline Alley. An inordinately popular comic strip first penned in 1918 by Frank King; noted for the fact its human characters aged, rather than remaining ageless. Indeed, the baby Skeezix in the strip is still alive and well in newsprint today, as an octogenarian angrily demanding that people stop reading the strip and get off his lawn.

Rosie's Beau. A character from yet another comic strip, cleverly called Rosie's Beau, by George McManus, artist of the more widely-known strip Bringing Up Father. Can't find much out on this one. But apparently it's about Rosie, or Rosie's Beau, or something.

Miss Boots and Her Buddies. I can't say it any better than the site linked here: "A strip about a witty, but sexy girl who ended up starting a family. The strip was especially loved for displaying the latest fashions and the Sunday page cut-out dolls of 'Boots - best dressed girl in the comics.'" By Abe Martin.

Min and Andy Gump. Eponymous characters in yet another comic strip, The Gumps, by Sidney Smith. The strip follows the adventures of the Gumps, obviously. They're a middle-class family that turned Smith into a wealthy man through merchandising of toys, books, et cetera, plus a series of films and a radio show. the Gumps was noted as the first comic strip to kill off a character, and also is credited with spawning the Amos 'n' Andy comedy radio show.

So we have here a newspaper party from 1932 spurred pretty much by the same reason people read paper today: The funnies.

But let's get on to that "jolly good time" Cokesbury promises us, in which we get to use the word bosom in a non-snickering manner.

Opening Mixer: Making Sentences. Pin on the bosom of each guest a word. These words should be selected so that it is possible to make a lot of sentences from them. For the idea is to have the guests, by grouping together, make sentences. When a complete sentence has been formed, all those who take part in forming it have the privilege of writing it down. The following is an example of some sentences that may be cut up into words and distributed: "A handsome young man took his beautiful sister and mother out riding one afternoon in his snappy roadster. The car stopped. It was found that the engine was broke. A beautiful girl came by in her car ad picked them up." It can easily be seen that a number of sentences may be formed by those having these words. For example: "A handsome young man was broke," "A beautiful girl picked up an engine," "A snappy girl picked up a handsome young man," et cetera. Continue this game for about five or ten minutes. Give a prize to the one who has the largest number of sentences.

You know, this game kinda describes some of the edtiorial meetings I've been to. Disparate bits of news are assembled together to form the unified whole of a newspaper, forgetting that the bits can be rearranged in any old way and the readers might not notice the difference. I also like the payoff. When a sentence is done, all of those who take part in forming it have the privilege of writing it down. Add that to the decorations - black and white crepe paper - and you've got a party your friends won't soon forget: Wow! And you usually give boring parties, Rob!

Okay, on to a fun game to show that newspapers are still pertinent news sources in this Internet age:

Current Events. Have each guest write down some bit of news he has read inthe newspaper recently. Have the longest list read. Have other items read that are on other lists. This will be both interesting and instructive.

Okay! Let's go! Michael Jackson died this week, of course. But wait. That was from TMZ.com. But what about that Iran election, that Ahmadinejad is just a psycho. Uh, that was from Twitter. Well, we could talk about Obama's speech on health care. I read the transcript at CNN.com, and he said . . . wait a minute. (Sound of crickets chirping . . . psst! Move on to the next game!) My, that certainly was interesting and instructive.

Okay! Back to the invitation, and the funnies it brought to mind! That's why we read papers, after all.

Funny Paper Charades. give to each group an envelope cotaining a funny paper. There should be two or three suggestions for charades in each envelope. The group is then to arrange to act out their chraces and let the other guests guess what funny strip they represent. Let each one have one or two trials according to the time.

The event, of course, contains a list of long-dead comics, though, as noted, a few of them are still alive. Kind of like the zombie comics we have today, where artists are either recycling material from years past or other artists entirely are drawing and writing the strips after the original creator has passed on. Personally, I'd mime a funnies syndicator revealing to the deceased artist's family that his or her style and voice were, as Berkely Breathed once put it, "jewels to be plundered from the grave."

But let's not dwell on that. You're throwing a party, after all.

List of Newspapers. Have each guest write the names of all the newspapers he can think of. Give a prize to the one who has the largest list.

This game, of course, can be used to turn the table on newspaper nay-sayers, because it's one that'll also stymie the media, including newspapers, who have reported on the debacle that is the industry as of late. Change the game to ask partiers to write the names of all the newspapers that have gone under they can think of. The way the media today talks, you'd think newspapers were collapsing like so many Oregon nuclear power plant cooling towers, but no. Oh, they'll get the Seattle Post Intelligencer, the Rocky Mountain News and maybe the Christian Science Monitor. But since two of those have gone on to survive as Internet news sites, they're not really dead, are they? Go on. Name more. Bet you don't ge more than a dozen.

Now it's time for every journalist's favorite game, for which you've prepared by dividing your guests into five groups: Editorials, Society, Jokes, Sports, and Local Editors. Here's the game:

Getting Out the Paper. Now the time has come to get out the paper. The five groups assemble, and the Editorials must produce an editorial on any subject. The Society group must write up a society column. The Jokes editors must produce some spice, and the Sports group must write up all the sport news available, and the Local Editors must assemble all the local news. While this is being done, reporters may go about from group to group trying to get news, and what is learned may be put in the paper. Allow about ten minutes for the writing of the parts.

The savvy newspaper publisher quickly realizes that more money could be saved, thus enhancing stockholder value, by firing all employees but brainwashing them into believing they really want to attend a newspaper party every day, seven days a week. This way, the paper is put out and the publisher doesn't have to pay a penny! There! I've just saved the newspaper industry!

Of course, putting out the paper is only half the battle. Now people have to read it. Again, Cokesbury is there:

Reading the Paper. Wen the paper has been finished, it is then assembled and read. There probably wil be a comfortable amount of humor in it, and the group will enjoy very much reading it.

There you go! One industry saved! Who's next?

Oh yeah. Refreshments. Serve what's convenient, as this party isn't tied to any particular time or season, Cokesbury says. So I'd offer typical newspaper breakroom fare. Have everyone bring a bag lunch and then, one by one, let them steal something from someone else's goodie bag. Last guy gets the lima bean sandwich.

And that's it. Be sure to tune in next week when Cokesbury brings you the scintillating, exasperating St. Patrick's Day Party, sure to invite every Irish cliche in the book. Best yet, it's a costume party!